my point of view

Monday, November 23, 2009

Things to Do

Just a personal checklist.

Finish up Prototype (the game, not the cognitive schemata)
Reformat my room
MAHJONG
Sing K
Pick up the dusty basketball
Catch up on books
Reformat computer.
Pick up whatever I've neglected

I'm so tired that I can't even feel sad about screwing 2 of the 3 papers I did. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and realise that today's a dream.

scribbled @11:19 PM;

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Out of my mind

Amidst the hopelessness, I saw a ray of light...

I thought that I can really survive the onslaught of three exam papers in one day, and that thought gave me hope and drive.

But then...

You despicable double-headed SONNAWABITCH.

scribbled @11:26 PM;

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Countdown to destruction

It's an interesting observation that I'm making such a big hoo-ha outta this exams. Considering how chill I used to be for exams in the past, with the exception of the life-determining 'O's and 'A's, this reaction is really quite peculiar.

Is it because of the fact that I've been out of touch with the pen-and-paper for two years that's making me nervous?

Or could it be that this panic stems from the insecurity I feel over this path I have deviate to, and the many talented people I've met?

Or perhaps it could be that I've changed in my two years in army, causing me to be obsessed with results and grades?

Only one thing is certain.

My BitTorrent download of 'Shaman King' is taking far too long.

scribbled @8:51 PM;

Friday, November 20, 2009

After studying too much...

My brain flashed an error message just now:

"You are running low on disk space. Delete unwanted files to free up disk space."

And so I did.

Now I'm left with two folders. One is named 'Passwords'(1MB), the other is 'Personal information'(2MB).

Whoever you may be, I'm sorry, Friends(500kB).

scribbled @11:59 PM;

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Same crap, different day

You go in the system, blend in with everyone else and start fighting to get to the top of the mix so that we can advance.

It turns out that advancing means going into another blender, and the only difference between this one and the previous one is that this is bigger, more competitive and even more important. But at the end of the day, after going one whole round, we're all back to the same question we asked at the beginning: what's all these for?

MM Lee acknowledged that the system of teaching Chinese Language was wrong from the start. Years from now, hopefully someone else is going to go up the stage and say that the examination-centered system was wrong from the start.

scribbled @11:19 PM;

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Cut

I cut myself with a blade today.

It was painful. There was blood. But, strangely, it felt almost... liberating.

As if the stress and frustration had built up for so long that it couldn't find any other way to release itself.

But I know this is wrong. Very wrong.

So this will not happen again. I promise.

I promise I will buy a new shaver to replace the blunt one so it doesn't freaking cut me when I'm shaving.

scribbled @2:35 AM;

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Insecurity

"Only the truly insecure would know that it's such a haunting and lonely emotion. It's no use telling anyone about it because people can only say two things; "but you're good enough what", which you know is only the case either because you have successfully masked your flaws in front of them, or because they just want to make you feel better. Or they would say "just live with it, nobody's perfect", but you know too well how damn difficult it is."

-Reblogged from Grace

Can't find any other better way to describe how the past 13 weeks has been for me. Couple that with the inferiority complex and you get one hell of an emotional struggle.

Interesting how the education system makes the learning passion disappear so fast. Is it the system fault or are we too weak?

Oh well. Back to watching TV.

scribbled @1:48 PM;